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State of the Universe address:

Number 1: February 21, 2001

I like to keep this handy, *kerchunk* for close encounters.Commentary by Reno

stuffed monkey You may think layeroffrost.com is all just fun and games, and nine inch nails, and making fun of things...and well, a slight degree of pervertedness, and just a twinge of sarcasm. Well, we aren't, and just to prove it to you, layeroffrost.com is going to periodically provide YOU a State of the Universe digression to keep you on top of things!

man or monkey?

If year 2000 was the year of the Dragon for the Chinese, and the year of Y2K fizzles for techies, then year 2000 for America was the year of the election. The greatest, most economically sound, free country in the world had trouble counting, even with the aide of machines. It ended up giving the presidential position to a man who LOST by 300,000 votes. Way to go ballot counters of America (and Republican Governor of Florida, Jeb Bush!)!

It wouldn't be so bad that George Dubyah Bush won the election, but not after a month of being settled into his comfy chair with a brand new, pretty intern at his side, he starts another frigging war. Yeah, hard to believe? Well, pay attention to the news, moron! Supposedly some radar facilities were threatening US and British air forces, so Bush gave the OK to bypass notification of the attack to the United Nations (and all other countries in the world) and commence attack on Baghdad...did I mention the sentiment in the rest of the world isn't too keen on Bush?

good advice

Alright, so that takes care of America (minus the FBI intelligence leaks, Presidential pardon scandal, and our slight withdrawls from NATO and the United Nations). On to EUROPE!

Germany doesn't like the French, The English don't like the Germans, The French don't like anyone...so what do they need to do? Oh, set up a new economic community/political alliance. The United Nations got worried about this new alliance, which does NOT respond to anyone, and questioned the European Union to it's intentions. "We just want to help each other out, and you know, TAKE OVER EUROPE! Oh...I said the loud part soft and the soft part loud..." Tony Blair (of England) says, "Uh, right now they suck, but if they become more powerful and have more money, hell, I'll even give them my fourth child!"


Alright, so we've done Earth (mostly), so what's next? Well, what aliens are going to see of our television broadcasts 30 years from now. We all remember one of the funniest movies of all time, Revenge of the Nerds, and it's sequal Microsoft, right? Well, I just saw this movie on RTL in Germany, crappily dubbed over with high pitched, lisping voices and thought to myself, "Man, how humiliating it is to have to watch this movie in front of other people!" This began a strange plot brewing in my head to claim the beer was gone and thus make everyone leave...but then my thought's cleared more...

Aliens are going to think we are fucking insane!

rock Not only are the most important people in the world trying to claw at the foundations of civilized humanity and destroy it like so many playing card houses...but we release some really embarassing stuff from the planet. Revenge of the Nerds, Pokemon, Pre-Adolescents, AMD CPU's, George "Monkey" Bush, geek dating services...geez. If the world were to be destroyed tomorrow, and the only knowledge of our thousands of years here was an encyclopedia written by an unbiased, completely accurate machine...it would read like violent pornography.

Little children addicted to hand held devil devices, the Spanish Inquisition, Bill Clinton's sex life, launching plague victims into castles, Totalitarianist governments, late night European Union television, the internet pornography library, Viking raids on England and Ireland...dear Lord, what were we thinking? The answer is, we didn't know. At the time they seemed like great ideas (I still don't have any problems with internet porn, or Bill Clinton)! But the aliens! The World Historical Book! Blarg! Oh well, at least someone invented Doritos and educated people (plus hot women!), those could be our only saving graces to the aliens...unless they are all brutishly dumb, female, health food fanatics....

So in conclusion. State of the Universe: Earth, struggling but looking promising. Mars, still no life, but looking promising. Rest of the Universe, preparing massive reruns of "Revenge of the Nerds" and "Sexy Sandy does the Army: part 4,223."

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